Doses of Reality

You know that feeling you have when you're a little kid, when your parents are the center of the universe and you know they're always going to be there for you? It sucks when you realize that that feeling is about the farthest thing from reality. Obviously, in my early 30's, I know that nobody lives forever and that at some point in our lives, we all lose our parents. Thankfully, that hasn't happened yet, but in the last three weeks, and in the last two hours, reality has pretty much clocked me on the head.

At the beginning of November, my "healthy as a horse" (yet longtime smoker. Figure that out.) father was admitted to the hospital. Thought he had a touch of the flu, felt rotten. Turns out his appendix had ruptured and his abdomen was filled with toxins. He spent a little more than a week in the ICU. He's still in the hospital recovering, and is doing much better, but does not yet have discharge plans. By the way,  he's in Chicago. From my door to the hospital, he is 1,742 miles away. I struggled with the decision on going up there or not. Actually, I'm still struggling with this decision. Obviously, I have not yet made the trip. If I get there when he is home, I can't do a thing. I can't even get in his house. OK fine, I know me. I can get in his house, by myself, but it wouldn't be the easiest thing to do, and while there is no snow on the ground now, I don't think I need to tell you that cement steps in Chicago in November are COLD. Do I go while he's in ICU? How dire is this situation? The nurses told me "Not dire. You don't need to come up right away." But then when? What exactly can I do when I get there? Not much. Just a lot of sitting, and probably getting my ear chewed off by Dad about how I shouldn't have spent the money to come visit. Matt can't get time off for work, so it would just be me. Or would I have to take Travis? No, I'm not ready to fly by myself with him. I need help on the plane when I'm alone, I can't carry my own stupid suitcase when I'm alone, so how in the heck do I wrangle a 19 month old, a car seat, a suitcase, etc? So my mom offered to come and help, should I decide to go.

Today, my mom is AT the hospital. She hasn't been admitted, they're just running some tests. Mom has a pretty painful nerve disorder and it has been causing her some problems lately, and her doctor preferred to send her to the hospital for testing.  Now I'm sure she'll be fine, certainly in the short term, but this afternoon, I felt like I was hit by the Reality Truck. Both of my parents in the hospital at the same time? No thank you. This evening, before Matt came home from work, when it was just Travis, Mommy and The Little Mermaid for the second time this afternoon, I broke down.  Everything about it sucks. Do I go to Chicago to be with my dad? Do I stay here so I can help my mom? Can I just run away somewhere and be on a tropical island, with a very large vodka-based drink in my hand?

I don't even have a point to this post at all, but if you read this, maybe just say a prayer or two for my family, and if they're near, hug your own parents. And kids. And siblings. And if they're not near, pick up the phone and call them to say "I love you." Yes, you even have to call your annoying brother and say "I love you, doofus."