The NICU: Part Two

We learned so much from the NICU nurses. Preemies are very easily overstimulated, so while you might be tempted to stroke your newborn’s soft skin, the parents of a premature baby are told not to. Touch is good, but still, almost firm, as if to say “Hey, I’m here, and that’s all that matters.” Because of that over-stimulation, our NICU had specific “touch times”. While we could spend all day at his bedside if we wanted, the only time we could hold him was scheduled, and scheduled around his feedings. Those were the times when he was checked over and bothered a little more than normal. We were encouraged to be the ones to care for him, taking his temperature and changing his tiny, preemie diapers.  I was blessed with a hearty supply of breast milk and quickly filled the NICU freezer, and my own. Unfortunately, after a week or two, Travis suddenly wasn’t tolerating my milk, and he was switched to formula. It got worse, and he was switched to another formula. Meanwhile, I kept pumping. And pumping. I grew bitter and resentful of the pump, and of the nurses who gave me a hard time about how much room I was taking up in the freezer. The hospital lactation consultant wasn’t much help, her advice seemed to suggest I was getting TOO much milk, as if that was a bad thing. I was frustrated and hurt. 

Hanging out with Daddy

Within his first ten days, Travis was moved to another room and to an open-air crib, which meant he was maintaining his own body temperature. This was excellent progress. Typically, there are around 3 big steps to get out of the NICU and go home: Not needing oxygen is a big one (though some babies DO come home on oxygen), maintaining his own body temperature, and learning how to eat. The Suck/Swallow/Breathe process is a difficult one for preemies!  First two steps were completed fairly quickly, so it should be any day now to bring Travis home, right? Unfortunately, feeding was a challenge. Travis was still not tolerating my breast milk, which was causing some upset stomach issues that had to be resolved first. He kept pulling his own feeding tube out. There were a few nurses who were more conservative in their care, and were hesitant to let Travis try to bottle feed. Pairing that with the stuffy nose he developed, many of the nurses seemed content in just using his feeding tube, and wouldn’t hear us when we said “but he’s showing signs of readiness! Please just let us try!” When Travis was around three weeks old, I called for a progress report, as I did every morning before coming in each afternoon, I learned that he’d taken most of his overnight feed by bottle. I was ELATED. I couldn’t get there fast enough that afternoon, and that evening, Matt filmed as I fed Travis a bottle for the first time.

Um, the VIDEO of this feeding goes here, but I can't get it to upload properly :(

It seemed like every time we would take a step forward, we took two steps back. Travis would do really well with bottle feeding, but his stuffy nose would get worse, and then he wouldn’t take a bottle at all. They would start slowly reintroducing breast milk, and his stomach would get worse. It was a long process. We loved being able to give him a bottle, it finally seemed like we were able to be parents, versus just sitting in a room with a baby. Going home was disorienting. I still hated leaving him every night, but it was never a sad feeling. All of our nurses would tell us he was really quite healthy, as far as preemies usually go, he was just born early. We were told that once his feeding tube came out, most babies would go home within about 48 hours, so just in case, we tried to get everything as ready as possible when we weren’t at the hospital.

On Saturday, May 7th, we started our day early, with a very long list of errands we wanted to get done. Matt, Mom and I went to Village Coffee Roastery for breakfast before heading to the hospital. We’d heard about them on a local radio show, and were anxious to try the John Wayne - a double espresso shot layered with heavy cream and a vanilla syrup. It was amazing. Matt and I each had two, (you read that right. We each had TWO double espresso shots. Please remember this.) and then went up to the hospital.  Upon our arrival, we noticed something different about Travis.

His feeding tube was gone!!

My beautiful baby boy, no longer tangled in tubes and wires and sensors and tape. I felt like I was seeing him for the first time, and it was incredible.  I wiped tears from my eyes and wanted to sing at the top of my lungs, I was so excited. The nurse sat down with us and started giving us instructions. We were given the option to stay overnight in the suite they had in the NICU - two very hotel-like rooms at the end of the hall. Its sort of a “trial run” before you take your baby home. The nurses are there at the push of a button if you need help (again, some babies go home just fine, but some go home with medications, on oxygen or other medical equipment) and you are fully responsible - finally - for all of baby’s needs before you go home.  Our nurse needed us to bring in his car seat for the “car seat test”, to make sure none of his vital stats dropped once he was strapped in. Some situations can cause a newborn’s chest to become compressed, or his airway blocked, and this is just one final step out the NICU door. Pass the 60 minute car seat challenge, and you’ve pretty much got a green light to go home.  (Review car seat safety here!)  We also needed to go home and pack an overnight bag to stay at the hospital. 

Car Seat Challenge

This is what Travis thinks of the Car Seat Challenge.

Now, you may recall the two double espresso shots Matt and I had at breakfast. I sat in front of the nurse, trying hard to listen to all of her instructions, and realized that I was hearing a muffled buzzing sound. I looked over at Matt, and he was actually bouncing, from one foot to the other, back and forth. Neither of us could sit still, we were both so hopped up on caffeine and excitement.  We stayed for his lunch feeding, then left to get everything we needed done, done. We rushed through every errand, none of them seemed terribly important anymore, and by late afternoon, we were headed back to the hospital.  After getting a few more instructions, Melva, one of our favorite nurses, led us down the hall with Travis in his bed. No more monitors, no more tubes, no more beeping anything. Just Travis and his parents.

And collectively, I think we all got about forty-five minutes of sleep that night.

What an experience!! Matt and I were so elated to finally have Travis, even if we were still in the hospital. But as all new parents learn, that first night with the baby is not a peaceful, slumbering, cozy night. Travis, like most babies, was a very noisy sleeper. Lots of sighs, little cries, and he still had a stuffy nose. Travis was still on formula, which had to be kept with the nurses, so any time he needed to eat, we had to call the nurse. The formula had to be used within an hour, any longer and it had to be thrown away. I think, unfortunately, we wasted a lot of formula that night, and poor Melva walked up and down that hall about fifteen times. Travis just wouldn't sleep, but he wasn't wet and he didn't seem to want anything we could offer him, so we figured he must have been hungry, but he wasn't. It was a very long and exhausting night. Matt and I dozed in shifts, and by dawn, we were both completely spent. 

We were allowed to stay in the suite all day if we wanted, but we were both so tired, there was just no way it could happen. And while I knew the next morning wasn't the day Travis was coming home, after having him to ourselves all night, taking him back to his room and to the care of the nurses didn't feel right. I felt like a failure. He should have had a better night. We should have had a better night. I should have known what I was doing. I knew that most of my emotions were from exhaustion, but my heart was heavy. We arrived home at lunch time, and fell fast asleep. The last thing Matt said to me before we drifted off was "Happy Mother's Day."


Check back soon for The NICU: Part 3 - Bringing Travis HOME!