Where were you 20 years ago?

Twenty years ago, I was a 12 year old. A sixth grader at East Middle School in Plymouth, MI.

Twenty years ago, my oldest niece was just 5 months old. She was just starting to crawl.

Twenty years ago, Whitney Houston's cover of "I Will Always Love You" was #1 on the Billboard Hot 100. For fun, #3 was "Rump Shaker".

Twenty years ago yesterday, it was a Saturday, and there was nothing weird in my life whatsoever. Except my brothers.

Twenty years ago today, I was suddenly paralyzed. (missed the post on that?)

Every year, as December 20th approaches, I always feel sort of odd. Its always been just a normal pre-Christmas day, but with this little gray raincloud in my head. Not that I've always been sad or depressed about it, rarely is that the case, but it just has that somber sense of importance; like a holiday that nobody gets the day off for. You know something happened, and it was important enough, but the only people who take note are the people who were affected.

That was a horribly stupid analogy. Sorry.

When I was first paralyzed, the doctors told me that if after six months, I wasn't walking "like normal", I never would again. I never really let that bother me, because long after six months had passed, even in more recent years, I've had changes in sensation or movement or strength. You just don't say "never", because how could they ever know "never" is a certainty? They don't.

But, twenty years have passed now, and I can't help but hear that "never" knocking around in my head, with an image of my old neurologist, Dr. Nelson, wearing a sour "I told you so" face.  When I was 16, ON my birthday, I went into her office for an annual check up. I grabbed her desk, stood up and beamed. She sat there, smug, and said that it didn't mean anything. Well, maybe it didn't mean anything to her, but it meant something to me. I never saw her again after that. And she sucks, so I don't ever want to think about her again. Ever.

Just after Thanksgiving, I turned 32. It seems so strange when I think about the fact that I've been in a wheelchair longer than I was ever not in one.  Maybe the time of year, and the 20th anniversary is why the whole house-hunt seems to be hitting me so much harder.  Maybe it has nothing to do with it.

This post doesn't really have a point, mostly just reflection, I guess.  If I could change things, if I could go back 20 years ago and have it never happen, would I? That's the loaded question. I think there are a lot of things in my life that wouldn't have ever happened if I'd not been paralyzed. I'm pretty well certain that Matt and I wouldn't have met, which means Travis wouldn't be here either. There are people I'd have never had in my life, experiences I wouldn't trade, so no, I probably wouldn't change it. I might change some other things that might make things a little easier for my future-self, but it is what it is. I still believe that God doesn't give us more than we can handle. So I guess I just keep on handling things the way I have been for 20 years. I've made it this far, anyway.